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There aren’t hard and fast rules about what’s a good vs. Research has shown that the most effective communication style in relationships is a flexible one. Why: This is primarily relevant if you're either an extreme night or an extreme morning person. The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas rather than as rules. Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes e.g., leave their 0K/year job to go back to school? Do they see it as a job, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder? If not, I don't think I have to tell you that that's a huge red flag.Whether he/she "gets" it or not, having someone who supports you and is always on your team is a must-have, if you ask me.8) Do they get along with your friends (and vice versa)?I think it's so unfortunate when people enter into a relationship (or even a friendship) and start to change who they truly are in order to please the other person or to make the relationship work.

Why: Whatever you're really passionate about, do they respect it? If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different. To take some of the pressure off during first dates, remind yourself: (a) that you each have 50% of the responsibility for how the conversation flows, and (b) you can only control how someone reacts to you to a limited extent.

To me, being self-aware is the first step in becoming a successful dater, and ultimately finding the right person.

I think you'll be surprised by how much you learn about what you actually need and want out of a relationship when you first look inwardly rather than outwardly.

You can read my prior articles for Psychology Today here.

Why: Helps you plan future dates but also gives you an opportunity to choose not to pursue dating someone who has very incompatible food preferences from you. Purchase my book The Anxiety Toolkit You can get an email alert whenever Dr Alice Boyes writes a new blog article - Subscribe.

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